Keeping My Family Connected: Talking About Family in Germany

Okay, so, I’ve been in Berlin for just over a year now, and honestly, one of the biggest hurdles has been just… talking about my family. It’s not that people are unfriendly, it’s just that the way they ask about your family, and the way you respond, is a whole different ball game than back home. It’s all about the details, and the level of interest. And let me tell you, I’ve made a few awkward moments!

The Initial “Wie ist’s bei euch?” – What’s Happening With You?

You hear “Wie ist’s bei euch?” (pronounced Vee ist’s bay yooch?) constantly. It literally translates to “How is it with you?”, but it’s almost always a polite way of asking about your family. The first few times, I’d just say “Gut, danke.” (Goot, dank-eh – Good, thank you), which felt… insufficient. It’s like saying “Fine.” to a really insistent question about your kids.

My colleague, Klaus, noticed this. He said, “Ach, du musst mehr sagen! ‘Gut’ ist nicht genug. Es ist wie eine Smalltalk-Regel.” (Ach, doo musst mehr sagen! Goot is nicht genug. Es ist wie eine Smalltalk-Regel – Oh, you need to say more! ‘Good’ isn’t enough. It’s like a small talk rule.) He explained that it’s expected you’ll give a little bit of information.

Starting with the Basics: Marriage and Children

So, the first time my boss, Herr Schmidt, asked, I panicked. He said, “Sind Sie verheiratet?” (Zind Sie fair-hret? – Are you married?). I blurted out, “Ja!” (Yay! – Yes!) and then completely froze.

He smiled and said, “Und haben Sie Kinder?” (Oond ha-ben Zee Kihn-der? – And do you have children?). This is a huge question. My initial thought was to launch into a detailed account of my childhood, which, let’s just say, wasn’t the most charming.

I stammered, “Ja, zwei Kinder.” (Yay, zvih Kihn-der – Yes, two children.) That was it. He nodded, and we moved on. Lesson learned: be concise.

Giving the Details – Names, Ages, and a Little Bit About Them

After that, I started trying to be a bit more helpful. I realized that just saying “two children” wasn’t really communicating anything.

I practiced saying things like, “Mein Mann, Thomas, ist 35 Jahre alt. Meine Tochter, Emilia, ist sechs Jahre alt und mein Sohn, Leo, ist drei Jahre alt.” (Mein Mann, Thomas, ist 35 Jahre alt. Meine Tochter, Emilia, ist sechs Jahre alt und mein Sohn, Leo, ist drei Jahre alt – My husband, Thomas, is 35 years old. My daughter, Emilia, is six years old and my son, Leo, is three years old).

It felt a little staged at first, like I was reciting a script, but people seemed to appreciate the information. A few times, I heard, “Wie ist Emilia?” (Vee Em-lee-ah? – How is Emilia?) and I’d reply with, “Sie ist sehr lieb und klug.” (Zee ist sehr leeb unt kloo – She is very sweet and smart).

Common Phrases and Vocabulary

Here are a few phrases I’ve found really useful:

• Wie alt ist…? (Vee olt ist… – How old is…?)
• Er/Sie/Es ist… (Er/Zee/Es ist – He/She/It is…)
• Wir haben…Kinder. (Vee ha-ben…Kihn-der – We have… children.)
• Er/Sie/Es geht in… (Er/Zee/Es geht in – He/She/It goes to…) – Useful for school ages!

A Slight Misunderstanding (and a Correction!)

Last week, I was talking to a neighbour, Frau Müller, and I mentioned that my son, Leo, was starting kindergarten. She looked utterly horrified and asked, “Kindergarten?! Aber er ist doch noch so klein!” (Kihn-der-garten? Aber er ist doch noch so klein! – Kindergarten?! But he’s still so small!).

I realized then that what I’d said sounded like I was sending him off into the wilderness! Apparently, in Germany, starting kindergarten is a big deal. It’s a significant transition. I quickly explained that it was a good thing and a step towards learning, which seemed to ease her concerns.

The Key Takeaway

Honestly, it’s all about being open and giving a little bit of information. People want to know about your family. Don’t overthink it. And if you mess up, just smile and say, “Entschuldigung” (Ent-shool-di-gung – Sorry!). You’ll get the hang of it, trust me. Und nicht zu viel Druck machen! (Oond nicht too veel Druck mahk-en – Don’t put too much pressure on yourself!).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find out how Emilia is doing…