Solving Problems: Using ‘I-Messages’ in German

Hello! My name is John Doe, and I want to help you with something really important: talking about difficult situations in German. Often, when we’re upset or frustrated, we say things that make the other person feel attacked or defensive. That’s why we’re going to learn about “I-Messages.”

What are I-Messages?

I-Messages are a way of expressing your feelings and needs without blaming or criticizing someone else. They start with “I” and focus on your experience. They help you communicate clearly and respectfully.

The basic formula is:

“I feel [emotion] when [situation] because [need].”

Let’s look at some examples.

Example 1: At Work

Imagine you’re working with Mary Carry and she hasn’t finished a report. You could say:

“Ich fühle mich frustriert, wenn der Bericht nicht fertig ist, weil ich meine Arbeit nicht vor dem Stichtag abschließen kann.” (I feel frustrated when the report isn’t finished because I need to finish my work before the deadline.)

Notice how it doesn’t say “You never finish your reports!” It just states your feeling and your need.

Example 2: At Home

Let’s say your roommate, David, left his dishes in the sink again. You could say:

“Ich fühle mich unwohl, wenn die Teller im Waschbecken stehen, weil ich einen sauberen Bereich im Küche brauche.” (I feel uncomfortable when the plates are in the sink because I need a clean area in the kitchen.)

Example 3: Simple Conversation

If a friend, Lisa, interrupts you while you’re talking:

“Ich fühle mich gestört, wenn ich unterbrochen werde, weil ich meine Gedanken aussprechen möchte.” (I feel interrupted when I am interrupted because I want to express my thoughts.)

Practical Tips:

• Focus on Feelings: Use words like frustriert (frustrated), unwohl (uncomfortable), verärgert (annoyed), traurig (sad), wütend (angry), etc.
• Be Specific: Describe the situation clearly.
• State Your Need: Tell the other person what you need in the situation.

Let’s Practice!

Think about a recent situation where you felt frustrated. Can you put it into an I-Message?

For instance: “Ich fühle mich verletzt, wenn du mich auslächelst, weil ich das Gespräch unterbrechst.” (I feel hurt when you interrupt me while I’m talking.)

Remember, using I-Messages is a powerful tool for improving communication and resolving misunderstandings in German. It takes practice, but it’s worth it!

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